It's all not True
by schaefy
Summary: Steph leaves Morelli for Ranger, but will he accept her? Why doesn't he say something? Steph has to pull herself together and live without both of them. Can she do it?Rated T, A Janet Evanovich songfic to You could be happy by Snow Patrol. Schaefy :D
1. Chapter 1

Ranger

I sat at my desk; pen in hand, staring out the window at the rest of the world. It mocked me. The sky was an iridescent blue, sun shining down on happy couples lining the streets and filling the parks. While I sat apart, an outsider, looking in on the happy scene.

Her blue eyes stared at me as if they were right in front of me, their last expression of hurt and rejection still etched into them. And I had caused it. I thought of my own rules, my expectations and goals. Was it all ridiculous? Was I operating under unreasonable rules? Was I too disciplined? Her eyes changed in my mind to stare back at me, shock and hurt pooling behind them. And then she was gone. It was two weeks later and no word. The question was, Had I done the right thing for Carlos? Or Ranger?

0 0 0

_Steph_

_I took a deep breath, turned around and walked away, leaving Morelli standing alone next to his car, his arm still outstretched to me._

_I drove the car to Rangeman in preoccupied silence, thinking of how much this was going to change everything. The night was warm and quiet, the streets deserted._

_Within ten minutes I was knocking on Ranger's seventh floor Apartment door. After a few seconds it opened to a damp haired ranger, dressed in only a pair of black cargo pants._

"_Hey." His eyes were questioning, but calm, just accepting that I was here._

"_I… I wanted to talk to you."_

_He nodded, sensing the seriousness of the visit and opened the door to let me pass. I walked into his apartment, immediately catching his damp scent as I passed him. I stopped as I reached the large kitchen, feeling slightly lost and vulnerable. I felt his presence behind me, and his hand gently turned me to face him._

"_Babe, what's up?"_

_His eyes were for once showing his emotion, curiosity and slight concern apparent. He pulled me close and I relaxed into him, allowing him to take some of my discomfort and anxiety. I took a deep breath and spoke into his strong neck._

"_Ranger…" _

_I paused for a second, and I felt his arms squeeze me slightly, comforting and strong. Was I doing the right thing? My heart was saying yes … but my head wasn't sure. But I had left Morelli to do this, so I had to try. I had to ask._

"_Ranger, I left Morelli for good this time and I … I wondered if you…"_

"_Oh Babe…"_

_He tipped my head back so he could see my face. His face was full of longing and pain... regret? His eyes were dark with sorrow. I knew the answer before he said it. I sagged in his arms, pulling away from him. He looked hurt; his eyes full of longing for something it seemed he denied himself. He started to speak._

"_You have to know why-"_

_But tears were spilling from my eyes and I turned from him, feeling nothing but pain._

0 0 0

_Ranger_

_She was looking forlorn and alone in the middle of the huge kitchen so I gently turned her to face me and pulled her to my chest. She let go of the tension and relaxed into me, her hand on my shoulder. I pulled her close and whispered into her ear._

"_Babe, what's wrong?"_

_Something was wrong. Never before had she looked like this, like a small child lost in a large crowd. She took a deep breath and spoke._

"_Ranger… Ranger I left Morelli for good this time and I … I wondered if you…"_

_My heart constricted._

"_Oh Babe…" was all I could manage. I knew what I had to say would hurt her beyond belief. How could she do this? I answered myself. Because I showed her I loved her. And I had. Over and over again, even though she may not have realised each time, I had. That was my mistake. And I blamed no one but myself. She seemed to have gathered my answer from my words because tears began trickling down her cheeks, rejection in her eyes, She sniffed, but made no effort to stem the flow of tears gently dripping onto my neck. It was as though each perfect tear was a hope she had had for a future with me. And each one was breaking before her eyes. I tipped her head back, staring into her eyes,_

"_You have to know why-"_

_But she just quietly shook her head; the hurt painted all over her face. Then she turned away from me, and walked out the door._


	2. Chapter 2

Steph – _That _night

I had no real idea of where I was going; my mind was utterly blank with shock. I should have expected it, I berated myself, He's told me before that he couldn't do it. Why would he be able to now?

I was driving aimlessly around Trenton, battling my feelings of hurt and rejection when I found myself opposite Trenton Bridge. I had hung out there as a kid when I was down. Like the time I broke my arm trying to fly and my mother had yelled at me. As soon as I had come home I ran to the bridge to sit and watch the water rush past the pylons, wondering about things. After Morelli had charmed the pants off me and I had been grounded for what seemed like forever that first night I snuck out and come out here. Usually I came at night or evening when there were no joggers or people who might talk to me. I'd sit on the edge of the stone wall and chuck rocks into the river, or just close my eyes and listen to the soothing sound of the water as I blamed everyone around me for whatever I had done, and nursed my bruises. I hadn't visited it since I was sixteen years old though. Maybe now was a good time. I certainly had lots to think about.

I got out of the car and walked slowly over to the bridge. A soft wind played across my face, pulling my tangled curls from behind my ears. I sat on the edge of the wall, legs over the side, just watching the water lapping against the banks. The stars shone brightly in the dark night sky, the moons' rays reflected against the surface of the water. I'd done it now. I'd fucked it up. Morelli was gone forever and Ranger didn't want me. My mother was going to disown me. There was nothing worse in the burg than an unmarried daughter.

Would it be easier if I just lay still at the bottom of the river?

The wind lifted my curls again as I heard a solitary car roll through the street. A dog barked. The streetlamps flickered. Life continued on. Oblivious that it had left me behind.


	3. Chapter 3

Authors Note – Sorry guys submitted the chapters in the wrong order – CHAPTER TWO IS NEW. Repeating READ CHAPTER TWO AGAIN! Sorry bout this.

Warning: Infrequent swearing.

0 0 0

I was still staring out the window when Tank knocked and entered my office. He quietly walked in and placed a few files on my desk. Then to my surprise he sat down in the chair opposite and waited for me to speak. He knew what had happened. He hadn't said anything yet, but I had sent him to look after Steph against her latest psycho and he undoubtedly would have put two and two together.

"She's miserable you know. She's lost. Morelli's gone and you're gone. Her family are at her for throwing Morelli away for you. I stood there watching. But now, she just lets her mother lecture her. She doesn't answer back or leave quickly. She just sits there with her mother blaring in her ear. All the fight's gone out of her. She has no one. To rely on, or talk to. She's all alone. She's talked to me a little, she sometimes comes out to the car just to have someone beside her. Cried a fair few times too. Why did you do it?"

Sometime during his words my hands had covered my face. I sighed into them. Her pain bit into my guilty heart. The worst part was I wanted it as badly as she did. She was everything to me. The one person who could get into me farther than anyone else could. I needed her. Her mind as well as her body. But most of all her love.

"Tank, I can't. If she knew what I do-" He interrupted.

"She would accept it. She knows already, she's not stupid. She can handle it."

"But I can't provide what she wants. I can't commit, not like this. Not to a family, not to marriage. Besides, my life doesn't lend itself to relationships."

I knew that the age old line was not going to work on Tank before the words had left my mouth.

"Bullshit Ranger. If you really loved and wanted her, you'd have her. She loves you. You love her. You know you do even if you won't admit it to yourself. So what's wrong? She can't do this forever, if you wait too long she'll settle for someone else and she won't come running back to you. You have to act now."

He looked me in the eye for a second, then walked out of my office, gently shutting the door behind him.

"_And all the things that I wished I had not said_

_Are played in loops 'til it's madness in my head"_


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Hi everyone, sorry about the confusion about chapters two and three – its fixed now. This is a really short chapter atm coz I've been writing a few oneshots and not concentrating on this one. I have to go away for about 5 weeks in about a fortnight and a half so I promise that I'll either finish all the stories before then.. or leave you with a REALLY BIG CLIFFHANGER!! Lol, I like watching you squirm! Just kidding,

Schaefy

(Please Review also!! I love reading what you think!)

0 0 0

I shifted slightly against the wall, removing my gun from its holster and sticking it in the waistband of my cargo pants. I was waiting for a nasty skip to come out of a gun shop. Every Friday he came down for practice on the range which meant it was the easiest place to pick him up. Bobby was inside watching him while Lester was on the other side of the building to me, waiting for the call over the radio.

"He's coming out. 3…2…1…Go!"

Lester and I walked swiftly toward the door as it opened and a tall muscular man stepped out. I could see his black Glock sticking out of the back of his faded jeans as his shirt moved over it. He looked quickly around the street and immediately saw me. His eyes flashed with recognition and he whipped out his gun, still warm from the range. Three shots went off. Then blinding pain, the sensation of falling through thick fog… then blackness.

0 0 0

I awoke in a soft white bed and a small room, Tank beside me. He was leaning back in his chair, his feet propped up on the bed.

"A two bullets an inch apart on one rib and a clip just below your ear. You were only out for about fifteen minutes, then you went in for surgery. It's nine."

I nodded slightly, ignoring the pain from my neck wound. Then Tank's phone rang.

"Yeah."

He listened intently for a second, his face softening then answered.

"I'll be waiting for you outside ok?"

He disconnected then stood.

"I'll be just outside the door."

I nodded again, then rested my head back on the pillow, sleep threatening to take me again. I dozed for a while, then woke to the sounds of voices outside my door.

"Is he alright?"

Steph? That was Steph's voice. Had she forgiven me?

"He'll be fine. Do you want to talk to him? He's awake."

"It's alright, I'll leave him alone. He won't want to see me anyway."  
At this my heart constricted painfully. Of course I wanted to see her! I had not talked to her in two weeks and I was missing her dreadfully. How could she think that?

"Steph?" I called quietly through the crack in the door. I wanted her with me so much to apologise to her and feel that I had her love back. To take her in my arms and feel the comfort which she provided… She just murmured a sad goodbye to Tank and walked past the open door, visibly wiping her eyes,

"Steph!" I called again, desperately.

She just continued down the corridor never looking back, and expression of pain and loneliness etched onto her perfect face.

"_Most of what I remember makes me sure,_

_I should have stopped you walking out the door."_


	5. Chapter 5

I limped out of the hospital doors the next night, bandaged and more silent than ever. I has been miserable since Steph had left the night before – sleeping fitfully through the night, my dreams filled with unhappiness and rejection, or her last look of pain. Then I would wake sitting bolt upright and sweating till I remembered what had happened. Falling back on my pillows I would try to push it from my mind, or wallow in my misery until hours later sleep claimed me again.

Not that it made it better when I remembered what I had done. I cursed myself every time I thought of it, for doing something so stupid. Why on earth had I turned her down? How could I hurt her so badly?

Rain was falling heavily as Tank followed me out to the Porsche. Hal threw me the keys and got into the SUV behind my car. I turned and spoke to Tank.

"I'm going offline for a while. I'm not leaving Trenton. If I don't come back, I'll check in tomorrow morning at eight."

He nodded then paused, a peculiar look on his face. Then he squeezed my shoulder with one massive hand.

"You're doing the right thing. Good luck."

And he left for the SUV. I shook my head slightly. Since when had Tank been an expert in love?

The rain was so heavy it had soaked through my black denim jacket, jeans and shirt, and was pulling my wet hair into sopping strands that hung around my face. I ran a hand through them, and was rewarded with a gush of rainwater down my back. Nice. Then I angled into the Porsche and pulled out of the lot, leaving the SUV behind.

0 0 0

Five minutes later I pulled into her apartment car park, got out then paused. I leant back against the Porsche, just watching the faint light escaping her window past the blind. The rain had lessened to an insistent downpour and it poured into every crevice of my body, saturating me again within a matter of seconds. But somehow, it didn't matter. Nothing mattered except her. I flicked my wet hair out of my eyes again as the rain beat down on my face, travelling in rivulets down the contours of my face and racing down my neck. It brought with it a sense of serenity and calmness. Of tranquillity. It gave me the strength to keep going. To ask her. To get her back.

Should I go? I knew I didn't need to ask myself. I knew I should. But if I could was another matter. What if she rejected me? I would get exactly what she had gone through. If she accepted? I wasn't sure. Unconditional love. And Steph. And they were the two things that I needed most at the moment.

I shook the sopping hair out of my eyes again and strode towards the door, as the rain beat down on Trenton – seemingly crying the worlds' tears over us.

0 0 0

A few minutes later I arrived outside her door and made for the lock picking tool in my pocket, then paused. And knocked on the door.

She pulled it open a few seconds later a stunned look on her face.

"Ranger... What are you doing here?"

It sounded as if the words were automated, a generated reaction to her shock.

"Babe."

She continued to look puzzled until I elaborated for once,

"You live here. I came to see you."

Her face seemed to close slightly, as if masking old wounds, forcing the pain away. My heart tore guiltily. As she stood there, alone and confused on her doorstep I just wanted to take her in my arms and make it better, as I knew I could. But she was angry, indignant and hurt. And I knew she would not let me.

I sighed a little, then moved past her still dripping into her apartment. She just continued to watch me silently as I stripped off my jacket, shirt, socks and shoes which lay in a sodden pile in the hall. Then I took her by the hand and pulled her to the kitchen.

"Ranger, what are you doing here?"

This time though, it was not free of emotion. I was unwelcome. I almost sighed again.. We would not have had to go through this…

"Babe…"

I had no idea where to start and I-

"Don't 'Babe' me Ranger. I'm not your Babe anymore remember? You turned me down and left me stranded in a world you knew I couldn't cope with on my own. Not yet anyway. So where was I? Morelli was gone, you were gone – I had no one. I had fucking no one. And did you give a shit? Nope, you just left me stranded in the middle of the entire mess. I still have no one. No one to help or hold me. No one to comfort me. You think it's difficult? You have no fucking idea."

Her eyes were blazing with an anger I would not have believed her capable of, as if flames were indeed licking them. She was shoving her disgust and rage at my down my throat, her anger growing every minute. I knew she was deadly serious. She meant every word. But instead of turning away, I stood, looking her in the eye, taking every staggering blow. Because she had gone through much worse than this. My heart was screaming for release, for an end to this eternal pain. But I refused. I was doing it for her. My predicament was evident all over my face, my face taut and drawn, revealing the tension and suffering raging just below the surface.

"My mother won't leave me alone for leaving Joe. If you had accepted me, maybe it wouldn't have been so bad. But you threw me away and left me on the side of the road, coughing in the dust. Did it feel good? To see me cut down in front of you? Did you like it?"

Her voice lowered dangerously now, venom lacing every word she uttered.

"But most of all. Would you do it again? Would you, Ricardo Carlos Manoso, would you do it again? Destroy my defences then kick me while I was down? Would you shot me while I was unarmed? Because that's what you did. Are you proud? I don't think so. And now, after you wrecked havoc on my life, and abandoned me you have the nerve to come back. You came back. What are you going to do? Get on your knees and beg to get me back-"

"Steph, you have every right to be angry at me."

My voice was low and calm, but even through her anger, she stopped to hear me speak as she always did. I was a man of few words, and every word I said was to be heeded. Her voice was quiet now, her anger now simmering below the surface. It was calm and full of restrained feeling, as if her attack was lessening.

"And that's not going to stop you is it?"

She already knew the answer.

I gave a tiny humourless smile and shook my head. Her anger boiled over again, her face turning to an angry grimace of rage.

"Leave. Now. I have nothing left to say to you."

But I stood, still holding her upper arms in an effort to keep her looking at me, waiting for her to calm down. The seconds turned to minutes as I stared into her eyes, projecting my glance to her mind instead of my eyes, forcing her anger away. She kept fighting, trying to sustain it, then let it go. Her expression changed again, to something much worse than anger. Resignation. Emptiness. Her eyes looked on at me, sad and regretful, her face showing only her misery. She had given up fighting it, but just let it consume her, accepting it into her life.

"I'm sorry I said what I said. I know now. Whatever I thought was there isn't. Goodbye Ranger."

"_Is it too late to remind you of how we were,_

_Except for the last days of silence, screaming, blur."_


	6. Chapter 6

I was so shocked by her words that I just stood there as she started to turn and walk away from me, my hands falling docilely to my sides. Only as she began to walk away did I come to my senses.

Two quick strides and I caught her arm gently and turned her to face me. My pain was written all over my face and my guilty heart. It was palpable in my chest as I stared into those startling blue eyes, which seemed to have lost their sparkle. I saw my suffering reflected in them, saw my hurt etched into them. A tear leaked slowly from her eye as I felt my face contort with the strength of the rolling sea of emotions inside me.

Gently, I reached up and tenderly wiped away the tear with my thumb, trailing it down her cheek. She seemed to release some hidden tension within, letting down her guard more.

I slowly pulled her toward me, allowing me to lose myself in her, to relinquish some of my pain to her burden. My arm cradled her head, pulling her closer, the smell of her hair washing over me. She relaxed into me, her arms tight around my neck, her breathing coming in shallow sobs, the wetness of her tears dripping onto my bare chest. She seemed to forget everything except the comfort she found in me, clinging to it as if it was her only lifeline. Because it was her only lifeline. Her faint scent lingered around her as I inhaled it deeply, relaxing with the comfort it gave me. We just stood like that until time stopped, the world stopped. It was just me and her on an isolated island in the middle of an ocean of throbbing emotion. She gently pulled away from me and looked me straight in the eye.

"You do love me Ranger."

A trace of surprise lingered in her voice as she looked curiously at me, wondering. I just smiled again slightly, and nodded.

"You do love me. But it's just too little, too late. I'm sorry."

And she did look genuinely sorry to see me go. With that she turned and walked quickly away from me; her face falling, her eyes glistening with pearl tears which fell thick and fast onto her shirt. Marking the end. The end of it all.

THE END

**You could be Happy – Snow Patrol**

**You could be happy and I**** won't know  
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go.**

And all the things that I wish I had not said,  
Are played in loops till it's madness in my head.

Is it too late to remind you how we were?  
But not our last days of silent screaming blur.

Most of what I remember makes me sure  
I should've stopped you from walking out the door.

You could be happy I hope you are  
You made me happier than I'd been by far

Somehow everything I own, smells of you  
and for the tiniest moment it's all not true.

Do the things that you always wanted to  
Without me there to hold you back, don't think just do

More than anything I want to see you girl  
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

Author's Note:

Ok, I'll put you out of your misery – there is going to be a sequel. Currently its just finished the storyboarding stages and ready to be written. It's called "The Superheroes Redemption". Look forward to hearing what you think! And PLEASE REVIEW! When I get like two I think that nobody likes it and im like bugger.. nyhow's cya!

schaefy


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